I just need to be unfiltered and real.

EmilyUnfiltered Notes1 Comment

I am a work in progress not just physically but emotionally,

I don’t think it is beneficial to dwell on ones flaws, I do think it is appropriate to be honest with ourselves. These last few weeks have not been easy for me. My mind has been a drift in the murky waters of negative self talk, criticism and self-doubt. I have been dishing out my own self assigned harsh reality. I struggle with confidence and self-esteem like anyone else.

I have shied way from writing real and personal post… because every time I do the page looses 10 followers. But, you know what… I don’t write to collect followers. I write for personal reflection, accountability and to document the unfiltered life for my girls! If what I share reaches or helps others then I may as well just keep it real.

So if this post isn’t for you, that’s okay.

I struggle to be proud. Be proud of who I am, as much mentally as I am physically.I initially I fight the “be proud” thought, but it dawned on me, I am not perfect. No one is perfect, I am a work in progress. I am human! I have good days and bad days. My imperfections are my imperfections, I own them. 
My imperfections contribute to who I am. 
My physical and personal imperfections do not take away from who I am.

I will not let my past experiences or battle with weight take away from what I can accomplish. I will not hide behind my weight and give it the benefit of taking away my confidence or self esteem.

Right now I am struggling to find ME. I am lost in the world of mom life, meeting the needs of and taking care of all those around me.  I struggle to prioritize or even validate what I need to feel like Emily… the person, not just the mom and wife.

I miss teaching, connecting with others and feeling like my day has purpose and meaning! I know logically that this time, I have at home, is purposefully and meaningful. But when you spend your day cleaning up only to turn around to find a chaotic mess behind you… and the never satiated needs/demands of small children consume your day.. well, it can be easy to feel a bit lost.

So this is where I am, a bit lost, doing my best to make memories and raise happy healthy children who feel loved… while still trying to squeeze in bit of time to take care of me and not lose sight of who I am, Emily… the person.



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One Comment on “I just need to be unfiltered and real.”

  1. Life was crazy for me after adding on a third kid. The exhaustion and “lostness” of self is so very real! When Z left, I couldn’t believe how much time I had during the day. How much easier everything was … Including taking time out for me. I feel much more myself at times … The times I’m not preoccupied with how much I miss Z, that is. All that to say, your feelings are understandable and completely valid. One day it will get easier to feel like Emily again. But I know that does little to comfort you now.

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